Crying Wolf - Pastafarianism
*crying wolf is a series of articles dedicated to deep dives into religious, cryptid & mythological lore.
Pasta Lovin' Pirates Take On Jesus Pushing Politicians:
A Flying Spaghetti Monster deep dive
Wether you’ve heard of them or not they sound ridiculous, that’s by design. The Church of the Flying spaghetti monster (or the FSM) is intended to sound made up, it has a following of well informed comedians, funny people with a message and a lesson. Although they’ll proudly never confess; these clowns know how to game the system against a group they feel are abusing it already.
The Organisation formed as a satirical, but since substantiated, retort to a school board who were forcing the christian creation methodology into science classes in a Bible Belt State of America. It went a little like:
“The creation method is a religious belief and therefore we will not disrespect it by taking it out of the curriculum”
“Yeah! Well my family believe in the flying spaghetti monster and so you might as well teach the kids about that too then”
“Madam, that’s ridiculous”
“What did you say about my religion?”
And since then, much like the recently formed jedi religion, a whole host of people have joined to follow ‘ancient texts’ and back the message.
As a believer of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you’d claim the title ‘Pastafarian’ (think Pasta - Rastafarian), you would celebrate such days as Christmas, Pastehach, Halloween, September 19th’s Day of talking like a Pirate, and every Friday to celebrate the beginning of the weekend.
With “millions if not thousands” of followers, the church of the FSM has “several lengthy volumes” of text explaining the true word of the original Pastafarian prophets/the supposed predecessors to man: Pirates. Much like Christianity’s obsession with easy-access robes, wine and candles; The Church of the FSM is regaled with Pirate Get-up’s, colanders and meatballs.
*FSM Float at Solstice Parade , Eric Jones
However unlike christianity they make quite a point to directly compare their notions with that of science, as they believe in a merging of spiritualism and science together. Before briefing their new believers of their discovery of pirates coming before man, they inform how science will “have us believe” of the theory of evolution, and how 90% of human DNA is shared with apes.
In their introductory video (which you can find on their website) they refer to science being “natural” and religion as “Supernatural” and how they believe a healthy life is contrived of a balance of the two. A main element of their persuasion in that video is that of “The meaning of Life” and “What’s the point of it anyway?”, some poignant philosophical questions that religion does indeed help with, as such with purpose and understanding of self-importance. This led me to crack what is , I believe, the core of the FSM. It’s Absurdism in practice. Unbreakable absurdism, leading others down the path through unwavering irony and general support. They understand that philosophy explained can be a turn off to a crowd that mainly sympathises with a religious framework of belief. So they don’t. They put it into practice without even so much of an ounce of self-awareness, as both to perpetuate their prank on the couple-thousand year old ruling force that is christianity, and to provide comfort to the few that would otherwise run away from such an atheist, higher-power-less thought.
I feel the way they have set up The Church of the FSM is as such: it invites the knowing and ironic but also houses a refuge for ex-followers of more rigorous religions. Much of their introduction speaks of welcoming members of other beliefs, and how they have a ‘30 day God-back guarantee’ (that is to say if you don’t like it after 30 days they’re sure your old God will take you back). That is because unlike most religions putting most of their faith into belief, this Absurdist organisation believes: “transcendent experiences of religion can be attributed to community.” I trust them in that ethos.
The organisation of this religion is a radical stance against the notion that one can force thought upon others through self-righteous tactics, like those that were used in the American schooling system to teach kids the Intelligent Design.
America already has a Government teetering into Theocracy. Overrun with an abundance of Christians, it’s no wonder the governing powers would side so heavily and so regularly with Biblical belief. As an estimated 63% of Americans (or ‘Voters’) are believed to have a set of morals and beliefs that (however valid) are so easy to pander to they’re written in a book. Obviously it would be the easy political decision to adhere to such to gain the vote of the outspoken majority. But with that comes the troubling power of the government pushing individual belief onto ALL the people. Just recently there have been multiple controversial stances taken in the US in which just that has occurred. We all remember the outrage during the Texas 2022 outlawing of safe abortion, revoking all the individual people’s choice to ease religious consciences, and the scary amount of growing traction that has had since.
And how, hypocritically to the FSM’s origin story, many outspoken christian groups have taken to their local governments to beg for the banning of children's and YA books in schools, under the guise that they discuss themes too mature for not just their children and teens but ALL children and teens. They were successful in Pennsylvania. Of these addresses, the reasons given were: “Transexual Material”. “LGBTQ Content”. “Anti Police”. “Embracing Trans ideology which is an assault on girls”. And “Peadophilia”. Most of which circling back to the ever controversial question surrounding religion… freedom of sexuality.
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Those are just two recent examples of times in which the devout thought has overpowered and lured the governing power into making an overruling decision for all. These ended with an oppressive result. Because the opposition (The non-christians) didn’t create a whole theology to hide behind. A belief so sensitive it cannot be questioned. A belief that brings ideology not into a place of compromise, but ruling decision. And that’s why the Pastafarians did what they have, because to oppress another religion is to prove their own can receive the same treatment. Only in that case is a stale-mate caused. Leeway is given. These other oppositions failed because they were sensible, they stood their ground like brave voices speaking their truth. They didn’t know they should have watched, learned, and hid behind a monastic tradition and ancient belief system to get what they wanted. To get THEIR freedom.
The Church of the FSM has come from rebellion, like places of worship it has made itself a readily available sanctuary, a community driven spiritualistic hybrid with science. However, like its ironic context, it protects its worshipers from the self-righteous nags and pushy ideals they have found of religion. In a sense they created a religion to combat one. They took the fight to the higher road. And its followers are grateful.
So I would like to thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky for protecting us from evil, with your noodly arms I hope you spread far and wide. And I’m glad I finally went past face value.
- The Rat
Sources:
https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20230525-how-book-banning-escalated-in-the-us